If I Were A Pirate Ninja Zombie
01/13/09 - A song of luuuuuuv.
Discrete Drums by Tony Morra
Everything else by Dan Biemer

If I were a pirate I would carry off your heart
Swing down from the rigging with my parrot, saying “Arrr”
You must admit a sailing ship is cooler than a car
And if I were a pirate you would love me

And if I were a pirate I would know just what to do
I would take you to an island far across the ocean blue
Lock you in a secret cave and then I’d kill my crew
If I were a pirate, I’d love you

If I were a ninja I would steal away your heart
Silently I’d strike out from the shadows in the dark
You wouldn’t notice it was gone until you saw my mark
And if I were a ninja, you would love me

And if I were a ninja, I would know just what to do
Sweep you off your feet with all my special ninja moves
The secret ones you read about in ninja FAQs
If I were a ninja, I’d love you

If I were a zombie, I’d refuse to eat your heart
Brains or spleen or pancreas or any other part
I’d be there for you when you broke down by some deserted farm
And if I were a zombie you would love me

And if I were a zombie, I would know just what to do
I would rise up from my shallow grave beneath the toxic goo
Bite you just enough so you would be a zombie too
If I were a zombie I’d love you

But if I were a pirate ninja zombie, that’d be best
I would blow your mind with the combined advantages
The ride, the moves, the hickies baby
How could you resist?
If I were a pirate ninja zombie

And if I were a pirate ninja zombie, I would rule!
I’d be sitting high atop the pinnacle of cool
I’d be all over the Internet and on the talk shows too
If I were a pirate ninja zombie
If I were a pirate ninja zombie!

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