Going Back To Town – Computer RPG Parody (GenCon 2013)

08/19/13 - I wrote this to celebrate becoming a roving entertainer at the GenCon Indy gaming convention. It was directly inspired by playing Avernum: Escape From the Pit on iPad but lots of computer adventure games use a similar mechanic. (If you understood none of this, just skip to the next song.)


“I see you are adventurers,” the tavern keeper said
“I heard about a crypt nearby infested with undead”
Me friends and I we sallied forth to take a look around
And mighty quick our butts were kicked. We’re going back to town

We’re going back to town, boys, we’re going back to town
Our magic’s spent, our armor rent, and half the party’s down
We’re going back to town, boys, we’re going back to town
‘Cause past the gates the fallen wait and all our wounds are bound

“It’s good to see you back again,” the tavern keeper cried
“I heard about a haunted tomb out in the countryside”
So me friends and I we sallied forth to take a look around
The level boss killed all of us and now we’re back in town

Now we’re back in town, boys, now we’re back in town
We’ll raise a cup and level up and track our killers down
Now we’re back in town, boys, now we’re back in town
‘Cause past the gates the fallen wait and all our wounds are bound

So we asked the tavern keeper
“What’s the difference
Between the tomb and the crypt?”
And he said, “Remains to be seen”

So lovely tavern keeper, keep your rumors to yourself
Just stepping in and out of town, we’ll stay in perfect health
Why bother sally forth when you can never really leave?
We’ll stay right here and drink your beer for all eternity

Oh, we’re staying here in town, boys, we’re staying here in town
We’re kind of like undead ourselves, so pour another round
We’re staying here in town, boys, we’re staying here in town
‘Cause past the gates the fallen wait and all our wounds are bound

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