I used to be so colorful and tongue in cheek and camp
Management decided it was time that I revamp
Traded in my deadpan to be sinister and sneer
Live a darker vision and the politics of fear

So now I’m grim and gritty
No mercy and no pity
Spreading every negative stereotype about the city
I’m undercover
I wear a suit of rubber
Spreading every negative stereotype about the suburbs

Institutions breaking down and chaos in the streets
No one else can save you now the only hope is me
I’ll beat up everyone because I am so rich
I’ll fly there in a custom plane I’ll use just once and ditch

Because I’m grim and gritty
No mercy and no pity
Spreading every negative stereotype about the city
I’m undercover
I wear a suit of rubber
Spreading every negative stereotype about the suburbs

When there is a crisis then the Dark Nut rises
When there is a crisis then the Dark Nut rises

And when that beautiful reporter I mean freelance blogger
Comes around investigating why
I’ll take her out to dinner make her swear it’s off the record
And then I’ll look her in the eye
(and whisper “I’m Captain Ambivalent”)

Because I’m grim and gritty
No mercy and no pity
Spreading every negative stereotype about the city
I’m undercover
I wear a suit of rubber
Spreading every negative stereotype about the suburbs

When there is a crisis then the Dark Nut rises
When there is a crisis then the Dark Nut rises